After my round-up of weird Australian foods I think it’s only fair I give some weird British foods a go. Over the past month I’ve been taste testing all the British foods that I’m slightly confused and intrigued by. Don’t be hurt by my opinion, if you love mushy peas, that’s great, you do you.
“We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.”
1. Butter and Marmite
I stand by my statement that Vegemite is superior to Marmite. But I put my beliefs to the side for the sake of this taste test. I grimly spread the toast with soy butter before lashing on the tar like substance that is Marmite.
After the first bite I knew something was not right. The consistency is not suitable for something that needs to be spread on toast. The flavour is rather bland, hence why butter is commonly used as a distraction.
Although Marmite was invented first, we all know that Dr Cyril P Callister perfected the recipe when he created Vegemite.
I give it 4/10. I would only reach for it if Vegemite was discontinued.
2. Spaghetti Hoops
Tinned spaghetti is a thing? Why? Is pasta not already convenient enough? Why hoops? These are the many thoughts that circled my mind when I found out adults actually eat tinned spaghetti hoops.
Apparently putting them on buttered toast is the way to go. It seems like buttered toast is the foundation for all food in England.
Heinz declares you can eat spaghetti hoops hot or cold. I opted for hot. As I stared at the gluggy mess on my toast all I could think of was baked beans. Every tinned Heinz product seems to look like baked beans to me.
They weren’t awful. Maybe I had gone a bit overboard with the cooking as they were rather soft and tasteless. The sauce was really sweet and salty which I suppose is standard for Heinz.
I give it 5/10 but without toast a possible 6/10. This is a meal you eat on a Friday night when you’ve had a tough week and are too poor to get a takeaway.
3. Yorkshire Pudding
I still don’t really understand what the purpose of Yorkshire pudding is. Do people enjoy it by itself or is it just there to soak up gravy? Perhaps it acts as a bowl for the rest of the roast. I’m mystified so if you have the answer please enlighten me.
Being a Sunday roast fan i’ve eaten many a Yorkshire pudding and my main takeaway is that just like humans, no Yorkshire pudding is the same. They all have their own unique taste, size, shape and age. Yes, some of them taste old and shriveled.
Hard to rate but overall 7/10.
4. Mushy peas
Is mushy ever good?
Mushy peas are VERY English. I’m pretty sure no one else eats them. Maybe there’s a reason for that.
So what are mushy peas? Well, marrowfat peas are soaked overnight then boiled with sugar and salt to form a green mush.
Typically they’re served with fish and chips or pie. I’ve tried them with both and am not a fan. I don’t like the texture of them, mushy food is not my thing in general.
I give them 2/10. I’m sticking with minted peas.
5. Prawn Cocktail crisps
My colleague’s mouths dropped open when I confessed I had never tried prawn cocktail crisps and was frankly repulsed by the very idea of them. But hey, I’m an open minded person, I like to try new things. So I went out on my lunch break and treated myself to a pack.
I opened them eagerly with great hopes of tasting something which would make me shed a tear of joy. Did they live up to the hype? Not exactly. They certainly don’t taste like a prawn cocktail (thank god), I would liken them to tomato ketchup or Worcestershire sauce. They were very salty.
5/10. Would not eat again but shall pretend they are an acceptable crisp around English people.
6. Scotch eggs
Scotch egg consists of a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat, coated in bread crumbs and baked or deep-fried.
I’ve had a vegetarian Scotch egg. Does this count? I’m counting it. It’s very dry, sauce would have been appreciated. I suppose it would make a decent picnic food or weird snack.
I give it 3/10.
If you’re not a big meat eater you’re going to find it hard to stomach haggis. Mainly because it’s literally encased in a stomach. Yummmmm. I hid the reality of what I was eating by consuming my haggis in burger form. You can put almost any type meat in a burger and everything will be O.K. Well that’s what I like to tell myself.
It was honestly pretty tasty. I know, I’m sorry animal lovers.
I give it 8/10 but would not eat again because I know what it’s made of.
8. Deep fried Mars Bar
Yet another unnecessary modern invention. If a Mars Bar isn’t unhealthy enough for you go and deep fry it!
The Scots love to fry things! You can find this beauty at most chip shops in Scotland. In fact, bring along your favourite chocolate bar and they’ll fry it for you. They even deep fry pizza now.
Deep fried mars bars look very strange and confronting. I took a small, fear ridden bite and realized that would be enough. It was really bloody sweet and greasy. Not the best combination. If you actually manage to finish one of these you’re on the highway to early death my friend.
1/10. Would only recommend for the experience.
9. Fig roll biscuits
I love figs! However, it’s a tricky flavour to replicate and Bolands has not succeeded with Fig Rolls.
As you bite into the biscuit (it is a biscuit right?) the extreme dryness becomes quickly apparent. Bad start. Perhaps it will be saved by figgy goodness. Nope.These figs were definitely not ‘sun drenched’. I think this review of Bolands Fig Rolls sums up my thoughts in a thorough and aggressive manner.
I give them 3/10.
It seems haggis is the clear winner which surprises me too.